Sunlight

[grianchloch]

Title: Sunlight
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing/character: Dean/Sam
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3808
Warnings: Angst!!
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine, I'm just playing with them for a while.
Betas: seleneheart
Notes: Written for slashfest For the prompt from sirryluv "Stanford-era fic that deviates from standard canon in that the boys have contact with one another. Higher rating and interactions with others (John, Jess, Sam's friends, etc) awesome!" Hope this works for you!

Summary: Set during Sam’s first year at Stanford. Dean meets some of the new people in Sam's life.


Sam walked through the parking lot of a motel not far from his dorm, straight towards the room number he'd been sent an hour earlier. He’d stayed in so many low budget motels over the years that it was almost like going home. That feeling was emphasized by the sleek black car parked outside. He ran a hand fondly along the hood, then automatically glanced back over his shoulder and around the parking lot before rapping his knuckles softly on the door of the room.

Almost immediately, the door was wrenched open. A hand pulled him inside and slammed the door behind him.

“Took your time.” Dean growled and pushed his brother back against the door, pushing a knee roughly between Sam’s legs as he kissed him, hungrily demanding what he’d been craving in the months since Sam left for college.

“I had classes.” Sam’s mouth curled into a smile. He arched his body against Dean’s, rutting against his hip.

“God, Sammy, I missed you.” Dean dug his hands into his brother’s hair as Sam’s hands snaked around his back, desperate to touch skin.

Sam groaned as Dean pulled back and yanked his tee off over his head in one, giving Sam what he needed while Sam launched a fresh assault on his mouth, hands slipping down the back of his jeans as Dean popped the buttons on Sam's shirt and tore it open. He slid to his knees in front of Sam, kissing and licking his way down his brother's smooth chest as he worked on freeing Sam's dick. He nuzzled the hard flesh that stood proud from Sam's body, licking the length of it, reacquainting himself with the taste and catching a bead of precome on his tongue with a moan.

"Dean!" Sam gasped out as Dean's mouth engulfed the head of his cock.

His hands dug into Dean's short hair, fingers skittering over his scalp as he tried to hold him steady, but Dean wasn't in the mood to wait. He gazed up at Sam as he slowly took him deeper and deeper, pulling all the way off, then swallowing him down again until his nose was buried in the wiry hairs at the base. Sam shuddered, hips twitching as he tried to hold back, tried to stop himself from thrusting but Dean growled and grabbed Sam's ass to pull him closer still. The vibration around his dick was enough to loosen the last of his control, and he pushed forward, fucking Dean's willing mouth until he came with a yell, grinding against Dean's face. He looked down, eyes wide as Dean slowly pulled off him, licking his lips and grinning.

"On the bed."

Sam happily complied with Dean's order since his knees felt shaky after the best orgasm he'd had in months. He threw himself down on the bed and let Dean pull his jeans the rest of the way off, along with his boots and socks. Sam was still lying, boneless, on the bed when Dean pushed his legs up against his chest and ran lubed fingers over his ass.

"Do it, I'm ready." Sam reached down and took hold of Dean's cock, rubbing his hole with the swollen head and making Dean moan. "After your message, I locked myself in the bathroom and opened myself up for you."

Dean thrust forward, breaching Sam, holding his writhing body down on the bed as he worked his full length inside him. The idea that Sam had fucked himself open on his fingers was so hot Dean knew he wouldn't last long. He pulled halfway out then snapped his hips forwards. Sam cried out and threw his head back against the pillows as Dean fucked him, taking what was his, claiming Sam again, needing to remind him who he belonged to even when they weren't together.

"Dean ..." Sam panted out.

Dean bent his head and licked a nipple, working up Sam's chest and throat until he was kissing him, tongue working into his mouth. Sam pulled him closer, whimpering and pleading as Dean took him. He wasn't ready to come again, but that didn't matter. He tightened his muscles, pulling a groan from Dean and with one last thrust, Dean was coming, flooding Sam with heat, his mouth soft against Sam's neck as he collapsed on top of him. Sam wrapped Dean up in his arms and held him, reluctant to let him go. Dean nuzzled Sam's shoulder and lay still, in no hurry to go anywhere anytime soon.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They were still sweaty and disheveled when the guy arrived with pizza which they sat on the bed to eat. It was finished in no time and they lay side by side, fingers lazily touching skin.

"The guys are going out tonight. Drinks and pool. We could go with them."

"The geek squad?" Dean teased. He'd heard Sam talk about Brady and Zach and Damien, but he'd never met them.

Sam pounced on him and dug his fingers into the soft spots on Dean's ribs.

"I'm one of them, Dean!"

"Yeah, geekboy, I know!" Dean squirmed and laughed.

"Well?" Sam was straddling his hips, pinning his arms to the pillow above his head.

"How can I, Sammy? What if I slip up and touch you some way I shouldn't? How's that gonna look?"

"Like my bad ass boyfriend can't keep his hands off me?"

"What?"

"I told Brady I was gonna meet my boyfriend. No-one knows you're my brother."

Dean gazed up at him, unsure of what to say.

"Please, Dean? I don't want to hide. We don't have to hide, not here. No-one knows us." Sam bent down and kissed Dean, biting down gently on his bottom lip and mauling it. Dean purred, a heavy rumble in his chest.

It was tempting, to be able to walk side by side, brushing fingers, to know he could touch Sam, kiss him, and not be looked on as a freak.

"Okay."

Sam's face lit up.

"So, your friends, they don't know you have a brother?"

"They only know that I don't talk to my family. Not like I could share stories about family vacations anyway." Sam shrugged. "So they know that a guy called Dean looked out for me when my family weren't around, and we ended up together. Against my Dad's wishes. More reasons that I don't speak to my family."

"Wow." Dean didn't know why he was surprised that Sam had rewritten his life. They all did it, pretended to be someone else, when a case needed it. "So you've been planning this since you got here?"

"Well, yeah."

"You're a devious son of a bitch, Sammy." Dean tousled his hair.

Sam ducked away and sat back on his heels, grinning. "I learned from the best." He ran his fingers down Dean's chest, lingering on a pale scar. The first of Dean's wounds that he'd stitched up but certainly not the last. "It's different here."

Dean recognized the wistful look on Sam's face, knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I can't, Sam. This is your life and Dad needs me."

"I know, I do." Sam hung his head for a moment, but when he looked up, he was smiling. "But I get to have you for a couple of days, right?"

"Yeah, you do." Dean grabbed Sam's hips and flipped them over, grinding down against his hardening dick. "You get to have me."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam's friends were geeks, but sweet geeks, Dean concluded. He was, by far, the coolest of the group that clustered around number two pool table in the bar. Coolest, oldest, and awe inspiring if the look on Zach's face was anything to go by. Dean shrugged it all off, and played pool for fun, not to win. Sam slid against him, trying to distract him with a breath in his ear, but he ignored him until he'd finished the perfect shot, then he grabbed him, making him squawk and kissed him right there in front of the whole bar.

There were a handful of catcalls and cheers of appreciation, and plenty of amused glances, but that was it. Sam grinned at him and they stood close to each other as Brady wiped the floor with Damien, slamming pool balls home as if he were a hunter on the hustle.

"Dude!" Dean exclaimed in admiration, walking over and high fiving Brady.

Brady grinned proudly, and Sam smiled happily, to see his ... to see Dean getting along with his friends.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Two days later, Dean walked across the grass, jacket thrown over his shoulder, enjoying the warmth of the Californian sun on his arms. He’d been in town for three days and he felt more relaxed than he had in a long time. He'd even enjoyed hanging out with Sam's friends. Dean’s heart swelled, aching pleasantly in his chest at being included in Sam’s new life. He’d always lived in the shadows, and now Sam wanted him to join him in the sunlight.

He strode towards the small copse of trees at the edge of the parkland. He could see Sam standing outside the lecture hall, and the easy smile on his face widened to a grin. He was about to jog over to where Sam was talking animatedly to his friends when he saw a familiar figure standing in the trees.

John had his back to Dean and was deep in the shadows, looking over at Sam.

Dean stopped dead still. He looked over at Sam, standing in the sunlight, tossing his head back as he laughed at whatever Brady had said.

If he'd taken another handful of steps, John would've be able to see him. If he'd gotten to Sam without noticing his Dad in the shadows, John would have gotten to see a whole lot more. Dean blanched at the thought. He could see Sam, looking out over the park, looking for him, and he saw John shift further behind a big tree.

Dean wanted more than anything to go and join Sam, laugh with him, smile with him, hang out with the people he called friends. The people who were drawn to his brother. But if he did, if he walked out into the light, John would see him. Dean was torn in two.

With a heavy heart, he turned and walked away. He pulled out his phone and sent Sam a message.

"Something came up. Gotta go."

The one he got back in return within minutes made his heart clench.

"Kk. See you soon?"

Dean sent back one word.

"Sure."

Then he hightailed it back to the motel and grabbed his stuff.

He was supposed to be on his way back to Bobby's after helping Caleb with a hunt down in New Mexico. He hadn't seen the harm in taking a few days longer to get back and he missed Sam. Now he knew John was looking out for Sam too, they'd have to be more careful.

Dean sighed, pulling out of the parking lot and heading away from California and Sam.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was months before they met up again. This time, Dean made damned sure that John was working on something that would be keeping him occupied before he turned the Impala towards California. He called Sam as he hit the state line to let him know he was on his way. All the time apart had given Dean plenty of time to think things over. He missed Sam badly. He'd lost his best friend when Sam left, his partner in crime. He loved John, but with Sam gone, life had taken on a grim edge and that was saying something, given the way they'd been brought up. John's single minded pursuit of whatever had killed Mary had passed obsession years ago, but now Dean had the feeling that he wasn't being told everything. He'd always thought that once he was older, John would treat him more as an equal, but he was beginning to understand that would never be the case. Dean was John's platoon of one, there to take orders and only be told what his commanding officer decided he needed to know. He'd been a good son all his life, obeying his father's commands to the letter, but a small part of him wanted more.

He often thought back to the last time he'd spent with Sam. He'd felt a real sense of freedom for the few days they'd been together as lovers, not brothers, but it was more than that. He'd had a glimpse into a normal life, one he'd never thought he could have but maybe he could. If he got a job somewhere close to Sam, he wouldn't need to give up hunting entirely, but he could put down roots, have somewhere to call his own. He decided to talk to Sam, tell him everything, tell him he was ready to let John go his own way and to make some choices of his own. The whole idea scared the shit out of Dean, but his mind was made up.

But some things just aren't meant to be.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After Sam arrived at the motel, they’d fucked each other senseless, bodies sliding and rutting against each other, trying to erase the distance that the months had put between them. Later they lay together, sweaty and sated. But even then, wrapped up in each other, Dean could tell Sam was worried about something.

“What’s on your mind, Sammy?”

“I … I met a girl.”

“Yeah?” All the half formed ideas Dean had about leaving the hunting life behind began to crumble with that handful of words. He should have known that eventually this would happen. Sam didn’t live in the shadows anymore. A normal life meant normal relationships. A girl Sam could hold hands with, take out to dinner, meet her folks and settle down with. Not a brother who loved him in all the wrong ways as well as all the right ones. Dean had never been able to deny Sam anything, and he wasn’t about to start, no matter how much he wished he could hold on to what they had, hold on to a different life for himself.

“What’s she like?”

“She’s pretty ... she's beautiful. And she’s smart too.”

Dean lay back, holding Sam in his arms as he told him about Jessica, feeling him slip further away with each word. He made up his mind there and then. Sam deserved a chance to escape the hunting life for good, deserved a real chance with the girl who he couldn’t stop talking about.

This time, when it was time for Dean to leave, he wrapped his arms around Sam, and held on tight.

When he pulled away, Sam looked at him, puzzled, but Dean slapped him on the back and walked off towards the Impala.

“So I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you.”

Dean waved as he drove away, knowing it would be the last time he saw Sam for more than a few weeks. He gripped the steering wheel tight, determined to ignore the ache in his chest. Letting Sam go had torn open the barely healed scars on his soul left behind when Sam had gone to Stanford in the first place. When Sam had left him behind to start this bright new life. A life that Dean now knew he could never be a part of. He'd fully intended to drive until he'd put a couple of hundred miles between him and Sam, but the need to get shitfaced, to drink until he couldn't feel anymore was a strong one. He only got a few miles before he was pulling up outside a motel with a bar opposite that looked like a place he could find what he needed. Enough alcohol to drown his sorrows and someone to goad into a fight. The urge to take a swing at someone, anyone, was a strong one.

He dumped his stuff in the room and strode across to the bar, just as it was getting dark. The bar was what he’d expected in that part of town, filled with guys in leather that rode the Hogs parked outside. Completely what he expected, apart from a small group of college girls standing at the bar, skittish as colts, sipping drinks and glancing warily around. As Dean watched, a gorilla of a guy walked up to the group and started to hit on a small brunette. She shook her head and turned away, but Gorilla wouldn’t take no for an answer, and stroked her arm, leering closer. Most of the other girls looked freaked, but the tall blonde in the group put herself between the girl and Gorilla, staring at him defiantly and if Dean was picking it up right over the music that filled the place, telling him in no uncertain terms to back the hell off.

Gorilla laughed, loudly and right in Blondie's face. Dean sighed, rolling his eyes and strode towards the group. He'd never been one for leaving damsels in possible distress, although by the way Blondie was glaring at Gorilla, she wasn't exactly coming off as the helpless type.

“Hey honey! So sorry I’m late, traffic’s a bitch.” He slipped an arm around Blondie and eased her back from Gorilla. “Everything okay?”

The look he gave Gorilla was enough to make the man back off. As soon as he was out of earshot, Dean let go of Blondie and turned to the girls.

“Why don't I call you ladies a cab so you can make it safely out of Dodge?” He looked at the girls, not missing the looks of admiration on a couple of their faces.

"We came here for a game of pool." A very classy red head in a short black skirt informed him.

"We came here on a dare, Maya.” Blondie sounded exasperated. “Let’s get the photos and get out of here."

"Jess, please?" Maya pleaded and glanced at Dean. "Maybe if we ask nicely and buy him a drink, he'll stick around?"

Jess? Dean looked at the tall blonde again. Cascades of curly hair, hazel cat like eyes, with a little mole between them. That's how Sam had described his girl, his Jessica. He glanced around the bar. It was still early, so it wasn't packed out and there was a free pool table in the top corner. He made up his mind before any of them spoke. Sometimes fate gave out an opportunity that couldn't be passed up.

"Jess? Maya? My name's Dean. I was planning on staying for a couple of beers and a game of pool, so why don't you snag that table in the corner while I get the drinks in. You can play pool, take your pictures and then I'll see you safely out of here. No harm done."

There was a quick discussion, followed by nods of agreement. Dean ordered a round of drinks and spent some time teaching Maya how to line up the perfect shot. Stacey, the brunette Gorilla had been hitting on, turned out to be a giggler once she'd calmed down. Paula and Julie were a force to be reckoned with at the pool table, winning every game of doubles they played with smirks on their faces. Jess wasn't the best player, but she wasn't bad either. Dean wondered, as he lined up a shot and sunk an easy ball, if she'd ever played pool with Sam.

A few games in, Jess ended up sitting at a table while the other four played so Dean joined her, sitting with his elbows on the table while he pretended to watch the match.

“So, Jess. Have you got some college nerd waiting up for you?”

Jess smiled and shook her head. Dean’s stomach dropped. This was Sam's Jessica, he was certain. Through the conversation that had passed backwards and forwards across the table while they'd been playing, he'd found out what her major was and where she originally came from, which matched with what Sam had told him. If this girl wasn't willing to admit she had a boyfriend when he knew how Sam felt about her, then Dean wasn't going to let her get any closer to his brother. He turned on the charm, keeping it subtle.

"Single, huh? Kind of a waste if you ask me."

"He's not a nerd." Jess smiled, not intending to tell a stranger about Sam, but the couple of beers she'd had went a long way to loosening her tongue. "And he's not quite mine yet. He’s sweet and gentle, and he'd be horrified if he knew where we'd come tonight."

"Sounds like a great guy. So why isn't he yours?"

"I don't know, it's like something is holding him back from taking that step and telling me ... telling me that he loves me. We'd been friends for a while and then it became more than that. He means everything to me."

“Do you love him?”

“Yes I do. I think Sam loves me too, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. Sometimes, when he's sitting on his own, he looks so sad, and all I want to do is hold him and make it better. But then he’ll smile at me and it’s like the sun’s come out.”

Dean took a long drink and set the empty bottle down on the table.

"Have you ever been in love, Dean?"

Dean considered his answer, but didn't know what to say.

"I'll take that as a yes." Jessica said softly.

"If he loves you, this Sam?" Dean began, not expecting the waver in his voice. "Don't you go breaking his heart."

Jessica's hand covered his. Her fingers ran soothingly over his skin. "Like someone broke yours?"

Dean shrugged, but his hand tightened around hers and he held it for a moment. Sam was right. She was something special. All he could do now was hope that Sam would be safe in her care. He looked up at her and smiled, then looked over at the two girls finishing their game of pool.

"Looks like it's time to take your pictures and get out of here." He squeezed her hand and stood up, turning to smile at Maya.

She handed him the camera. He took pictures of them all with the bar staff, and posing with pool cues and twenty minutes later, he was bundling them into a cab outside the bar. Before Jess climbed in, she kissed dean on the cheek, eyes sparkling. Dean blushed, and stepped away from the cab as it pulled away from the curb.

“Take care of him.” Dean whispered, then he turned and walked back towards the motel, alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Years later, after he pulled Sam out of a burning room, he quietly mourned the girl with golden hair who'd taken care of his brother for him, who'd given Sam a normal life, if only for a while. He silently swore to her that he'd do his best to keep Sam safe, no matter what the darkness threw at them. That had always been his job, his purpose in life, long before Stanford, long before the first time Sam had kissed him and asked for more. Dean took back that responsibility gladly.

Once they were back on the road, they slowly fell into old routines, old patterns. Hunting, living in the shadows. Then one night Sam crept into his bed and Dean didn't turn him away.

He had back what he wanted, what he needed. He only wished it hadn't come at so high a price.


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